Find Your True Self in College: How to Embrace Core Values and Shine with Confidence

Starting college this week or in the next few weeks? I like to refer to these times as "AFGO's," "Another f%$#ing growth opportunity!" 🤓

In all seriousness, the start of college (whether it's your 1st year or senior year) is like opening the door to a vast new world—full of possibilities, challenges, and opportunities. It’s a time when you’re not just discovering academic subjects but also exploring who you are and who you want to become.

One of the most powerful tools for navigating this exciting journey is tapping into your inner core values. By aligning with your authentic self, you can find the courage and confidence to be true to who you are, rather than slipping into old habits of people-pleasing or conforming to others’ expectations.

Not only will you connect to the most amazing people you will ever (want to) meet, you will have tons more energy to use in those connections rather than feel the drain of going against who you truly are and falling into people pleasing behaviors.

The Importance of Core Values in College

College is a unique environment where the pressure to fit in can sometimes overshadow your personal values. It's easy to slip into a routine of pleasing others or adopting behaviors just to feel accepted. However, the real magic happens when you tap into your core values—those deeply held beliefs and principles that define who you are and allow you to show up as who you want to be.

1. Discover Your Core Values: Start by reflecting on what truly matters to you. Is it integrity, creativity, kindness, or something else? Understanding your core values will provide a solid foundation for making decisions and interacting with others. Consider reviewing an extensive list of possible values (I have some to offer 😉), journaling or discussing with a mentor or coach (I happen to know a good one...) to uncover what drives you at your deepest level.
2. Align Your Actions with Your Values: Once you identify your core values, let them guide your actions and decisions. Whether it’s choosing a major, joining clubs, or forming friendships, ensure that your choices reflect who you want to be. This alignment helps you stay grounded and focused, even when faced with challenges. It offers you a sense of peace and a "feel good," sense in all you engage in. When you go against your values, you will feel it (social battery drainage).

Cultivating Courage and Confidence

Showing up as your authentic self requires both courage and confidence. It means resisting the urge to conform to what others expect of you (or what you think they expect of you) and staying true to your own path.

1. Embrace Your Uniqueness: Remember, you are a unique individual with your own set of values and passions. Embrace what makes you different, and recognize that these differences can be a strength. Being authentic often means standing out, but that’s what makes you memorable and impactful.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: It’s natural to feel anxious about not fitting in or worrying about others’ opinions. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging these feelings without letting them control your actions. Remind yourself that it’s okay to be different and that your true self deserves to be expressed. Also remember that your people are trying to find you- if you aren't true to who you want to be, how will they discover you?
3. Build Confidence Through Small Wins: Confidence grows through experience. Take small steps to assert your values in daily situations. Whether it’s speaking up in class, joining a club aligned with your interests, or setting boundaries with peers, each success reinforces your confidence in being true to yourself.

Overcoming People-Pleasing Behaviors

People-pleasing behaviors often stem from a desire for acceptance or fear of conflict. In college, the temptation to please others can be strong, but it’s essential to recognize and overcome these tendencies. People pleasing and going against your true self will eventually lead to feelings of being drained, possibly guilty, shameful as well as induce a general sense of being unwell.

1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries that honor your values and well-being. It’s okay to say no to activities or requests that don’t align with your priorities. Setting boundaries helps you maintain your integrity and focus on what truly matters to you.
2. Seek Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who respect and appreciate you for who you are. Genuine friendships are built on mutual respect and understanding, not on the need to please or conform. Choose companions who encourage you to be your authentic self.
3. Reflect and Adjust: Regularly reflect on your actions and decisions. Are you acting in alignment with your core values, or are you falling into old patterns of people-pleasing? Adjust as needed, and remember that growth is a continuous process. Your gut will tell you when you're off. Listen to that intuitive voice that will redirect you back to alignment.

At The End of the Day... Be True to You!

College is a transformative time, and capitalizing on this AFGO and showing up as who you want to be starts with understanding and embracing your core values. By tapping into your inner core, cultivating courage and confidence, and overcoming people-pleasing behaviors, you can navigate this exciting chapter of your life with authenticity and purpose. Remember, the journey to being your true self is ongoing, but every step you take in alignment with your values brings you closer to the person you’re meant to be. Embrace this journey with confidence, and let your inner core guide you toward a fulfilling and authentic college experience.

I'm here to partner with you on this journey. You're not alone.